Open doors
by AhsokaTano00001
Summary: We all have fears. Some people more than others. But we all have one fear that we simply cannot rid ourselves of. It's a part of us. But throughout my life, I haven't decided on mine.


**Hi peeps! Ughhhhhhhhh! I have ATON of stuff piling up. Ok, so I have straight d's, I have a grand slam of a weekend coming up, and my eye is acting up. It tears up, stings, and I can't see. But it's kinda gone away. And it had better stay away, because I have a speech meet AND a hunting trip this weekend, so ugh. But whatevs. So... I just had this idea and thought I might as well publish it! I guess you could say this is a personally connecting story, but fear not! I am a social creature. So yeah! Tell me what you think! Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Ahsoka's POV<strong>

_We all have fears. Some people more than others. But we all have one fear that we simply cannot rid ourselves of. It's a part of us. Some proclaim that fear as something as silly of spiders, while a vast majority fear death, oblivion, loss, the usual things that people fear. But throughout my life, I haven't decided on mine. I guess you could say I was saving it. I don't want my greatest fear to be wasted on spiders, I face death every day, and well, loss isn't exactly a new concept. But after everything, after these past few years, I think I've decided. Though, I didn't expect it to be so simple. My greatest fear? Open doors. Just the thought, it terrifies me. _

Bali and Breha Organa took me in a while ago, after well, you know. It was under the premise that I would be caring as a nanny for their recently acquired infant, Leia. But me and Senator Bali have done a lot of talking, and we do have a lot in common. With Obi-wan on Tatooine protecting Luke, and me sitting like a lump on a log, this seemed like the best way to protect the both of us. And why wouldn't I be happy here? He's still a senator, he still gets fancy treatment, and Breha is the sweetest lady I've ever met. Sometimes I consider her my third mother. Well, excluding my biological mother ( whom I'm still trying to track down) and Padme, my other mother. But all the same, she treats wounds, she cooks, she helps me clean, and she helps me with Leia. Oh, and how could I forget Leia? Except younglings, I've never spent so much time with an infant before. But it couldn't be better. Everyday, I watch her grow up, and develop more and more traits of her parents. She has Padme's eyes and hair, Anakin's fiery spirit and determination, and sometimes I swear, she holds her fingers in the shape of an imaginary blaster sometimes. Definitely takes after her mother.

But right. Back to the whole open doors thing. Sometimes I come home from school ( I mostly go online, but I pop in every once in a while.) and I just go straight to my room. I tend to Leia for a few minutes, then stick my nose in a book. Just force of habit. Every now and again, Breha will stick her head in to check up on me, but she hasn't in a while. It's not like I deliberately try to stay away from them, but people just don't work well with me. That's the reason I keep my door closed. I don't know why, but the bedroom I live in, it's got a maximum capacity of 1. Me. Whenever I'm forced to let someone in, I get so uncomfortable, like somebody will break something. Or someone will leave their fingerprints on everything, and get everything dirty. It's silly, I know, but it seems like it's easier to shut the door then to keep cleaning up. They tell me I spend too much time in here, but I don't think so. They say it makes me paranoid, depressed, but I tend to disagree. It makes me happy in here, I'm safe from prying eyes. I can be myself. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I talk to myself, or that I'm crazy, but I'm my own great listener. I can be my own best friend. Whenever I let someone else play that part, I get uneasy. Think about it. They're their own person, they have their own opinions and secrets that you can never possibly know. They could plot your downfall and ultimately destroy you. They know your secrets, your fears. And all because you didn't lock the door. Some people call me lonely, but I can assure you, that is not the case. I'm great company, I have everything to myself, including my thoughts. I don't have to let anyone else see them, they're mine. Last time I let anyone else in, they turned around and left. There are always those people though, right? Those who take your room, and trash it. Some people seem nice, but don't wipe their feet, bring in unwanted dirt. Some people leave their things everywhere, smothering your space in their possessions. Some are the opposite, they take your things, and you never know what happens to them. And then there are those, the worst type in my opinion, who leave the door open. They leave it open, letting anyone else in, and when they leave? When they leave, they leave the door open. And an open door lets anyone of those people in. Don't you see that's why I keep the only key? Do you think I'm lonely? I don't think so. I think I'm just being practical. And that door, it not only opens to reveal my room, it reveals who I am. It's messy, sure, but in a sense, organized chaos. I know where everything is, I know my way around blindfolded. But every time that door opens, I feel like the whole world is free to see what my room is, what my door hides. And no, I don't ever want them to see inside. They have to earn the key to come inside. And throughout this wide wide world, I have seen many different people, let many people come inside. All mistakes. Everyone I have ever given a key to has wronged me, and thus, I have to take the key back. There has only been one person to ever hold the key for long, and do you want to know what happened? He did all of those things. The only person I have ever dared to let come inside, make themselves at home. I thought at one point that maybe my life didn't have to be a series of closed doors, that maybe I didn't have to isolate myself. How naive, right? But it's ok, it's ok. As soon as he left, I shut the door and locked it tight. Who needs people, when you have sweet, sweet time and your own thoughts? Heck, I might as well throw the key away. Out of all of the people I have ever met, no one has earned the key. But hey, whatever. It's not so bad in here. At least in here, I know. I know every thing about this place. And I realize, that's all I ever wanted, was a place so familiar that I don't need to think. I just know.


End file.
